Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
