I feel like I'm in dance class right now
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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