I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
