someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
