he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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