If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
