So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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