Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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