yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My life is pants optional.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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