You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
