So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
