just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
