I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
