I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
