Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
