my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
