peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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