why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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