It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
