so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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