yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
