Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
