yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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