So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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