Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
