Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
