I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
