how can u be prego again
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
