Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
