there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
