i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
