i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
