the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
