I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
