marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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