i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
