only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she peed on how many people?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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