My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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