Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
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