Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize