i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
