You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
