They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
