i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
