Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
