At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
