just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
