MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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