Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
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