oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
