i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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