....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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