Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We left the knife in your bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize