Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
